Polyamory is a subject interwoven with many lives at the present time. As a woman who has come into a great deal of contact with the subject, both within my global spiritual community and my own life, I pose the question of “What’s going on?”. To all of us who are, directly or indirectly, exposed to this resurfacing phenomenon of human relation, I pose my perspective: that it is reflective of a collective experience, as are all things.
There is no coinsidence that we are all facing this subject simultaneously, and in this article I aspire to bring forth some realizations, contemplations, and topics; food for thought, if you will.
It is a highly controversial topic, as many topics are at this time because they reflect the current collective experience of reflecting upon old systems of thought: What is personal truth and what is conditioning? Which systems are calling for transmutation and which merely need to be reevaluated?
During this time of humanities collective shift, and old systems undergoing questioning and transmutation, all aspects of humanity are coming into a space of possible reconfiguration. Relationships are not excluded from this.
If we are to boundlessly explore ourselves, and the possibilities of reality, some individuals feel called to remove the boundaries that history has placed upon our reality. And rightly so if we are to be the masters of constructing our own reality, in place of accepting a realty given to us: the old paradigm.
For many, monogamy is beginning to mean “binding love”, in some form or another, in relation to present or future. For some, monogamy merely translates to commitment. Both are one in the same, depending on the individual experiencing. For one person, monogamy may feel binding, for another monogamy is a devotional commitment. Neither person is wrong, because both persons experience reality in a different way.
Many people, including myself, are seeking to construct a reality where there is a life partner to walk with. Yet, there is the observation that monogamy just hasn’t worked out in the recent generations. Time and time again, we see partnerships formed in intention of walking the path of life in unity, only to see that walk separated at some point.
What this translates to me is that the reality of relationships is changing to fit the times. Monogamy may have been the ideal construct for it’s time, but that time for some is shifting. And so, I ask myself: What is to be the nature of my own relationship path? I simultaneously am observing the same contemplation in so many others.
How do we, as individuals, walk our paths in it’s highest potential alongside someone else who is seeking the same, only they are a different person with a different path and different needs? Obviously there will come a time where the paths, seen as individual, will come into conflict or disagreement. One person may need more than their partner can give, emotionally or spiritually. Or one may need space from their partner for their own development and path. At that point, does one wait for their partner to come into a space of providing that need? Or does the relationship necessarily have to end because of the differences? What if there was a way where neither was the case? This is where I have seen Polyamory come into consciousness for many such persons.
We are all on the path of seeking enlightenment for ourselves and for our collective, and polyamory is just one area where we are beginning to explore the possibilities of reformulating our understanding of reality.
How practical is polyamory? In theory, I have learned from my own experience and from others, that the philosophical structure and notions are quite different, almost always, from the application process and experience. On this note, those seeking this exploration must be completely conscious that the results will be entirely different from the preconceived idea.
Emotions rise, no matter how self-responsible and advanced one is at handling their own process. Situations arise that were never expected. Such is life.
My own path with polyamory and monogamy has been a complex network of life experiences. From a very early age, I was channeling a great deal of sexual energy alongside a lack of understanding for the traditional relationship approach of monogamy. I didn’t understand, for example, in high school why if I slept with someone that person assumed I was their girlfriend. This assumption, on behalf of others, created confusion among my fellow high school members, as generally, I tended to explore sexuality openly and with many persons, sometimes simultaneously. For those out there who have had a similar past, I need not mention that, due to personal practice coming into conflict with expected norms, I was labeled many things that I never felt reflected the true essence of what my sexuality really stood for.
My path of polyamory continued until I reached the age of 23 and found myself on the spiritual path of seeking higher wisdoms and truths with my life. In this medium, monogamy seemed to be the only accepted path and, because of my desire to embrace this path of exploration, I too began to practice only monogamy. However, during this time, my sexual energy and it’s expression of openness did not change, as it has always expressed itself organically. This created confusion in not only my own person, and my partners, but also my spiritual communities. I reverted to suppressive nature within my sexuality in hopes of “transcending” something; I was hiding from my true nature. But because what I sought to transcend was an organic gift to my being, I instead reached the most unhealthy sexual period of my life. I projected unhealthy expressions of my sexuality.
It has taken me a great deal of exploration, through both adhering to concepts of sexuality outside of my organic nature, and then returning to explore the beautiful uniqueness of my own sexual expression, to reach this point in my life. Thus, I find myself exploring polyamory in a very interesting way.
Currently, I am with a partner who is organically monogamous by nature. When I came to him and expressed my desire to explore polyamory, he was very supportive (yet also hesitant) of my efforts because for me, polyamory is not exactly bounded to physical sexual polyamory. Instead, for me it represents the removal of energetic barriers to sexual energies above the exploration of physical sexual energies. The ability to boundlessly explore cosmic and humanistic sexuality is above all, for me, an energetic exploration and, in my experience, has the most profound teachings in this way.
Our story, my partners and myself, has been a satire of comedy and irony, and I also see it’s reflection in the other partnerships currently exploring this subject. Oftentimes, I see in others (as I have seen in my own experience), the pathways of this exploration “flip the table”, so to speak, putting us in new territory that could never have been predicted. No matter how prepared I felt I was, no matter how mature I felt I was in my sexual understandings, nothing could have prepared me, time and time again, for the lessons that were birthed from our experience.
Because I was the individual most comfortable in sexual exploration and understanding of tantric and sexual energies, I saw where my partner (who hesitantly opened to exploring this realm) could learn what I had in my path through taking another lover. I was perfectly comfortable with him taking another lover instead of myself to help us both explore the depths and dimensions of sexual energy. For 2 months, a dear sister of mine came to live with us and became my lover’s lover. We shared a living space, my lover as my lover and the lover of my dear friend, my sister as the lover of my lover, and myself as the initiator and space holder for their process.
As I watched the threesome dynamic play out, the lessons learned therein, the mediums of exploration, and my understanding of sexuality, in myself as it relates to others, became, for the first time, a completely new experience that I was in no way prepared for. With all of my life having been a representation of sexual embodiment and of explorative nature, I still was not prepared for the lessons that such an experience brought up, all of which I am entirely grateful for.
What I have learned, above all else, is a broader appreciation for the ways in which others embody sexual energy and it’s expression in the physical realm. For me, the story played out in a way that actually created a depressed desire for physically manifesting other lovers on this plane. Instead, I found myself in the deepest exploration of sexual interaction with the cosmic forces (tantra), spirits, and the vast network of Creation (which in itself is comprised of sexual energy, as sexual energy is the moving force of Creation). What I also experienced is the awakening of the Priestess within, through holding space for two other human beings hesitantly exploring sexuality within this dynamic for the first time.
Many things that arose for my partner and his lover were entirely new for them and not so new for me, but because they were different people with different realities, I was able to see them from a different angle and thus broadening my understanding of human expressions of sexuality. I also came into a great deal of contact with subjects that I had never approached myself, such as the inability for some to separate romantic energy from sexual energy. This latter aspect (of seeing sexuality through others eyes) was the most helpful for my own exploration, as it opened new mediums of exploration, via affiliation, that I would not have ever explored for myself due to the intrinsic difference in my own sexual path.
Another unexpected aspect, through what I have just mentioned, was my surprising pull towards monogamy, or even celibacy. As I explored the cosmic realms of sexuality, an infinite dimension of possibilities, I saw how what I was truly seeking was a connection to the vast network of Creation. Reflecting on my life and all of my history within sexuality, I see now that it was this element of sexuality to which I was truly seeking: connection with the Divine. Because humans are pathways to this realm, in the past I found myself associating sexual exploration of Creation with physical human beings. This experience in polyamory taught me to break free from the physical representation found in humanity and to tap into the vast dimensions through the cultivation of relationship between myself and the cosmos. Thus, as I exist in the present moment, I see how I need not multiple lovers, or even any lover, to undergo this personal intention for the cultivation of Divine Sexual Energy.
Yet even now, as I have been seeking to openly embody the gift of sexual energy that is my being, I am very often approached by fellow brothers and sisters undergoing the same process of exploration within polyamory. Couples with children, powerful individuals within the international circles, and friends and family, are all coming forward in this time to openly state their coming into polyamory. I see this as a Divine Synchronicity that reflects the fact that we are all connected, collectively, to the same shifts in energy. Somehow, this time in humanity is shifting to relationship exploration, along with all other pathways that are undergoing spiritual evaluation for our future.
In my own pathway, from experience, I can only say that this time is a powerful time for all of us. Intensely provoking of self-evaluation and all that we stand for, polyamorous exploration takes us to realms left unexplored for many generations, if not centuries, as a collective. The more we open, in humility and without judgement, the more we learn about ourselves in relation to collective sexual energy of the cosmic realms. I both commend and encourage anyone on this path to practice patience and openness with the self and others, as it is, in my experience, one of the most intimate and challenging pathways to self-realization of sexual energy.